Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
