maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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