Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
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