Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
