Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
