living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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