i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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