i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
