Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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