just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
