she looked like the bat from fern gully.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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