I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
