worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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