That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
