Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize