O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
It's never too late to be topless.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
