if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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