thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize