Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
