Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
