She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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