If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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