i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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