I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
