I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
