i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
