we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
