Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
