As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
