Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
her facebook's as public as her vagina
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
