my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
