who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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