im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
