I wanna passion pit in your ass
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
