Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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