We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
