A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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