I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
