Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize