I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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