my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
