I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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