As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
