I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
