You work out of a Hotel?
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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