so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You need a sexual gate keeper
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
