it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
