I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize