I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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