The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
