you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
