look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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