I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
he thought i was a dude.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
