guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
