At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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