omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
