I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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