Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Randomize
