Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
