Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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