I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
