for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
