Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I have tasted many bathrooms
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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