A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
