Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Send help, water and tortillas.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
