You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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