I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
