He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
