i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
