He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
