I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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