Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
