Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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