The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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