It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
