My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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