I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
