his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
