Nicole vs. Life
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
