Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
