roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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