Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
